Meanwhile, the witless, gormless yobbo whose name we never mention in this household, AKA Mummy's Little Soldier, Thomas the Martyr, is languishing in prison imagining he is some kind of Mr Bridger, Noel Coward's character in the Italian Job but minus the repartee, while pretending to convert to Islam like the Duke of Marlborough did while he was in prison just to get more and better food the greedy, cowardly self obsessed little bludger.