I woke up from my siesta nursing a strange dream starring Jeremy Corbyn, the Labour Party leader. In the dream I was trying to persuade him that now was his chance and he was going to blow it. I'm not sure what I was trying to convince him of but at one point I picked him up by the scruff of the neck and shook him. He felt as light as a feather and I managed to throw him around a bit. It was truly awful, nightmarish, and I ended up somehow hospitalising him. He wouldn't grass me up for some reason but kept giving me evil looks as if to say I was in for it at some point. The nurse in charge was giving me his dietary instructions in Spanish and I was trying to hang onto her words as she read them out at top speed until she finally turned to me and spoke in English saying 'oh and he's rather partial to those Haribo Gummy Bears. Is there still no end to all this madness!