La Troublemaker

Soon I will no longer be the president of our community and the muggins who has to sort out all the shite that goes on in our midst. I was hoping to get impeached so someone else could do it but fat chance. Last week I was on the blower to the police because our neighbours, AKA Los Oompa Loompas, thought it would be hysterical to start operating a saw mill at 6.30 in the morning. The police arrived about five minutes after I rang and there I was, hanging out of the kitchen window telling them that the Oompa Loompas were up to their latest antics, cutting into sheets of metal. God knows what they were making but they shut up when they saw the police and the matriarch hung off her balcony trying to bend reality at her will, informing the police that nothing was going on and that I was, and I quote, 'problematica'. I think this is what psychologists call 'projecting' but I didn't rise to it. I just asked the police if I had the aspect of a person who has nothing better to do on a Sunday morning and they agreed that I didn't look like the type, and yes, I was the only one with the cojones to call as they noticed others peeping from behind their shutters. They were quite polite but did that weird thing of going up and down on the balls of their feet which was kind of jarring especially as I had said the word bollocks around the same time.