I TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS...

In another point in time and space I found myself in a band playing bass guitar. I don't know how to play the guitar and I had to somehow hoodwink everyone into thinking I was a professional. I started fretting that I was going to be found out but during rehearsals I discovered I could just pretend to play a couple of chords. The band was a bit shouty so I guessed no one would notice my existence but then quite a lot was running on me as the band was being advertised as a symbol of diversity and I was the one touted as the one not representative of any  type, group or class. Just before we were to go on an assistant started to attach an apparatus to hold a flute to my head which I was unable to play as well. Then the manager came across to me and asked if I could sing. I told him I couldn't and that I had more than enough to bluff my way through a set to which he said 'surely you must know some Beatles' songs?' and to demonstrate I started to sing 'what would you do if I sang out of tune.......'.