ALPARCEROS UNITED

This morning Mr van de Ven and I went our seperate ways. No, we haven't split up, we just went in opposite directions up the road because we both had, ''stuff to do''. God knows where he was going but I had to go to the bank and pay a bill or rather a tax for some water contamination. I haven't contaminated the water but let's just say the public has to pay this tax or risk the wrath of the Aragonese Water Institute. This merits another story but I can't be bothered right now. Anyway, the bit I am getting at is that while on my travels I fancied getting some Pan Montanes, a type of meat from Cerdanya, somewhere near Andorra, eaten as an aperitif. I went into one of the delis here and asked for six thick slices of the stuff. As some of you know, nothing gets past the locals, in fact there is a word for them. Alparceros. The translation might be nosy parker, or perhaps a gossip but when you live in such a close community it is inevitable that everyone knows your business. The woman began to tell me that a man had been in just moments earlier and had bought six thick slices of the same meat. Good for him, I thought, wise man, knows his stuff, good taste and so on. Bit of a coincidence though isn't it read the mind of the woman or at least her face said that. We both paused. ''What did he look like?'' I asked. ''Was he wearing a hat? A fedora?'' She couldn't remember a hat. It was difficult to say what with everyone wearing masks and everything. Reluctant to appear rude she did another face that said, ''maybe''. ''It's him'', I thought. ''What kind of supernatural, paranormal nonsense is going on now? It can't be anyone else. How did he have the same craving as me, and to ask for the same amount, size and so on?''  ''You'd better check before you buy any in case it was him''. Said the woman. I went home and told Mr van de Ven that I knew what he had been up to and where he had been and who he had been with and that nothing escapes she who is now going to be referred to as the leader of the United Alparceros People's Front.