JORDAN BENNETT

You've got to hand it to the Spanish when it comes to being a chav or any negative aspect of British or Anglo Saxon culture come to think of it and to be even more offensive I would say that the Brits have more or less turned themselves into Spanish tele. With Jordan and Jade at the helm that cave in Morocco beckons. I can't be the only bemused Voltairean who wonders why the likes of Martin Amis need to comment on every bowel movement of the dynamic duo. Presumably he and Joan Bakewell were never on the receiving end of. or got their heads kicked in by such company. All the people who hated Jade Goody before now want to redeem themselves because they know they will die one day.

While on the subject of baring all I have a confession to make. I worked at the short film festival here a few times and the last time I was there I discovered to my horror that I had made a mistake which involved forwarding an e-mail to the then boss or rather I didn't forward it and on discovering this spent about two days wondering what I was going to do as it involved something relatively important, for him anyway as it was a 'you scratch my back' type of favour which is endemic amongst the short film folk. Well I decided not to tell him as I didn't think I could cope with another lambasting and roars of 'que incompetencia!' ( a bit rich I thought coming from a Spaniard, I mean if he had an hour to spare I could give him some even better examples). Another reason was a sort of perverse idea that he might find out anyway and being bored I thought it might be interesting to see his reaction. Well the festival ended and I got out with my life but he didn't and was dead six months later which saddened me because I really liked him and even understood his shouting as it was probably the only way to get things done. There isn't really any moral to this tale as I have a long list of other disgraces which only serve to emphasise how I have no idea what the hell is going on on this mad but beautiful planet of ours.

Which leads onto the community meeting set for Monday. I hope to God I can keep it together by reminding myself of Bill Hick's sketch 'Life is just a ride'.