THE ONLY JEW IN THE VILLAGE

I am a bit perturbed that if I am ever ill again or choose to have a day off there are no teachers willing or able to cover for me if it involves classes 3A and B. I may have mentioned before that they make The Bash Street and Fenn Street kids look like a bunch of bloodless, doe eyed milk-sops so I am quite miffed that no one else seems capable of taking over if I am to be run down or run over in this town. The Aragonese are famous for their predetermination and their children are masters by about the age of three, or in the case of my friend's two year old whose first words were the infamous 'que no'. when he was one. Her nephew when scolded for ripping out a toilet system remarked that the teacher shouldn't poke her nose in his affairs. So I shouldn't be and I am not surprised when a child of seven tells me off for not saying the word 'chicken' properly. Said word cropped up as it does and she told me that it wasn't 'chikin' as I said it but 'chick En' as said by most Spanish folk. Never mind that I have never met a Spaniard who can't distinguish between chicken and kitchen. This is not the first time and involves all sorts of words that I am not pronouncing in the way that they are written. Ask anyone to say Shakespeare and you will get 'shaky spee aray'. 'Hamas Hoyce' is one of my favourites and 'Henry ham es'. I am not bothered about the mistakes at all, this is normal when learning the language, it is the Aragonese pigheadedness that is at times trying. Just another reminder that at this rate I will never be out of work.

I read in the local paper that 75% of people here think the Israelis are to blame for the conflict and 14% thought it was the Palestinians. 10% thought both and 1% couldn't be asked or arsed. About a year ago a friend quiped that he hated Jews. He didn't know why and I haven't spoken to him since he can not come up with an answer. Another mentioned that she didn't like so and so and when I asked her why she said because he was Jewish. I didn't know what she meant until someone else said this doesn't mean he is a Jew but he is mean and tight with his money. Look up the word Jew in a Spanish dictionary and it says amongst other things, stingy. I am not even going to repeat what I hear said about muslims. I am not sure where I am going with this but as someone who doesn't have this particular phobia I feel uneasy being around so many people who seem to hate everyone but pretend they don't.

So before I get depressed at how thick people are and that includes Prince Harry I must dwell on how lucky I was to have had a headmaster who liked to play The Liberty Bell, the theme tune to Monty Python as we filed out of the assembly after attending a forum on Friday afternoons. To have had a mother who never used name calling to insult people and when treated badly or was on the receiving end of xenophobia would tell us to ignore them if we could as 'they'll never have any luck'. Such a sheltered life.......

Now I am desperate to get back on track with something lighthearted and whimsical so what better than to inform all a lesser known fact about Henderson. That he is something like 200th in line to the throne. The Family of Orange-Nassau for God's sake. So we only have to massacre his clan and I can be queen.

I can't even begin to describe the variety show that is my family but I can say that I would have to obliterate less to come up with some true noble blood and am very proud like some Boston terrier of my inbred self importance and owe a lot to my ancestor's scrappy ways. My cousin, once bitten, twice removed who shall be known as cousin Ga Ga for fear of reprisals is often found seated at the dining table asking mental questions to an agitated Henderson. She seems to be a member of the disinterested. The last time it was, 'so what's the weather like in The Netherlands?'

That's enough for today. I started to record a list in my mind of people that other people hate but I love, simply because everyone hates them and I think they are just misguided, the hated that is, but perhaps the hater is too,. Or maybe it is just a mental list.