WARNING. SEXUAL CONTENT. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE EASILY SCANDALISED. (Everyone reads on thinking 'what's she gone and done now'.)

I've been busy of late, what with the doctor, the plumber the husband and my dinner. On paper I am the vice president of our community but we all know in reality I am the president because Mr van de Ven can't cope with Spanish bureaucracy let alone the Spanish mind so muggins here has to deal with it all. So I haven't had time to write about the latest gossip this side of the channel. Anyway, the bit I am getting at is the other evening I went out with some colleagues for a drink and a chinwag and we were having a grand old time, laughing our heads off, flirting with the waiter, threatening to dance. While this was all going on I had a plasma TV parked above my head and every three seconds I would clock it just to keep an eye on the state of the nation. The sound was turned down as is compulsory in Spain, and no one except me seemed to be watching it like a silent movie. There was a programme on and suddenly a woman started wanking some bloke off and it seemed to go on forever. ( There are too many prepositions going on in that last sentence bit I'm sure you get the picture) I looked at my colleagues and pointed at the screen trying to get them to witness the shenanigans at this hour but they were too high spirited to care and carried on clinking glasses and singing and so on. One friend looked up because I insisted she watched so I wouldn't be the only voyeur and she said casually 'oh yeh I think it's La Que Se Avecina', a Spanish sitcom about a group of neighbours who live in a block of flats in Madrid, which, and I insist you believe me, translates to Look Who's Coming. 

At what point do you learn the word for 'water diviner' or 'dowser' in your second language? I learnt that in Spanish it is 'zahori', which comes from Arabic 'zahuri', a person able to find hidden things, especially water.

In next week's episode of I'm the Prime Minister Get Me Out of Here, Boris 'the cock' Johnson is  spotted speeding through the universe after being ejected by a super massive black hole. He gets his arse kicked so hard by said black hole that he eventually leaves the Milky Way and is en voyage to intergalactic space. This region of spacetime is so strong that no amount of bullshit can escape it and yet we are also told they are not eternal prisons and a human can survive them leading to the theory that sadly there is no end to any of this nonsense. None of it is real. You just have to decide if you want to be part of the collective dream or nightmare. Yours, everybody's favourite idiot savant.

I tell you what, this Brexit lark will carry on till the mad cows come home....

Boris Johnson calling other people 'crusties' is a bit feckin' rich coming from someone who only knows it is time to change his underpants when he lobs them at the wall to see if they stick.