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Monday, 16 March 2009


So Henderson asked 'what would you do without me?' and the answer was 'sit in the dark and eat cake'. This was all at an unearthly hour along with 'Who is Lindsay Lohan?' My reply to that was she sounds like she works in airport security. I promised him I would look her up along with the origin of Yowza Yowza Yowza but that he would have to wait a while as I have more pressing investigations such as The Messianic Idea in Judaism and other Essays on Jewish Spirituality along with Walter Benjamin's 1936 essay: The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction.

So, how many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes, I have survived the community meeting and it wasn't so bad. I surprised myself by understanding just about everything except the word medianil which is another word for parting as in walls and partitions I believe. It takes ages to suss out the community meeting. It is not like anything you have ever experienced and quite hard to know where to begin. Someone has seen a rat in the garage never mind that I have been saying this and seeing them for years. This led to aspersions that someone was keeping food in their 'trastero', their store cupboard. Who could it be? Someone who wasn't there which left nine culprits unable to defend their family name. I managed to raise my voice above the slurs to say that I'd like the bin next to my trastero removed as on the last butcher's it was full of nappies and half eaten burgers and maybe that is what attracts the rat. The administrator took notes and said this would be done but even as it was said I knew the wrong bin will be removed I have decided that at times the law needs to be implemented by my own hand and from now on I will just do certain things without consultations as a few more bollocks are needed and they just don't exist. If you don't believe me ask yourself how may times you have seen a Spaniard up a ladder. It all gives new meaning to my old adage that if you want anything done. While sitting there tonight I realised if I can do this I can do anything, I am invincible while on this planet.

Later, much later but inevitably like all, when entering the Pearly Gates I might have some difficulty explaining myself and can imagine the scenario when Saint Peter says to me ' Teacher? Friend? Sandwich Maker? Bin remover?' It will probably be accompanied by a sinking feeling not unlike many felt circa 1986 when I was told I wasn't on the guest list. He's going to have a harder time when he meets some of my Spanish friends and ex-presidents of 'la communidad' and he says ' What do you mean nothing?'

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