Various headlines in the British press today say something on the lines that NF, you know, bad vibe Nige, is going to tear the Tory party from limb to limb' if Theresa may delays Brexit Where has he been for the last three years???

THIS WEEK ANDREW NEIL STEWART LEE

Watching BBC World talking about Ukrainian politics. It is as if the whole world wants to be Monty Python but the Brits are saying 'no you are doing it all wrong, let us show you how!'

NIGEL LAWSON CARTE DE SEJOUR

You may or may not know that Nigel Lawson, former Chancer, sorry, Chancellor, you know, Nigella's dad, is selling up in France and returning to the UK. It is known that he applied for his carte de sejour, around six months ago, the French residency card that would help him get medical coverage amongst other benefits. He claims that Brexit has nothing to do with him moving, although there is some gossip or speculation that French bureaucracy played a part in all this. I think I know what this all really means but I need the help of a PG Wodehouse quote. 'Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.' 

Just go somewhere and pretend you are on Facebook.

WHY SPAIN?

On a Facebook forum recently, people were asked why they lived in Spain. Foreigners who live in Spain, not Spanish people. What keeps them here? I said that for me it was because I like living in a place that doesn't demonise young people, a place where children seemed loved and where parents don't freak out if I approach their kids or vice versa, where old people are not invisible. A place where people live outside whatever the weather. Then of course there is the diet and the sense that people don't want to create conflict between each other. A country where you can lean into someone, a stranger say, in a bar or cafe, as I have done on occasions, and the other person doesn't beat you up or give you a mouthful.

People with Facebook and Instagram often get requests from people who want to be their friends, followers or maybe more. It is often from young, good looking women from far away countries. I have had a couple of those but on the whole my potential admirers are bird fanciers and fishermen!

As well as his ideology, ambitions, outlook on life and so on what is it about Jacob Rees Mogg that puts the wind up me? Is it the feeling you are in the presence of someone wearing a dead man's suit? Someone who is breathing the cold breath of death against your neck? The vibe that everyone is being prodded by a cold limp dick? Is he just a statue representing bad sex and a bad death. Is that what Brexit is really about? Is there anyone on the planet who finds joy when they see him? That is it. There is no joie de vivre.