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Monday, 15 December 2008

A RIGHT PAIR

Somehow I survived the warzone that is class 3A/B. I have developed some new tactics to lessen the shell shock I often find myself experiencing as I close the door on that chapter of the day. A few deep breaths and mutterings and I can usually put it all behind me. Having a coffee afterwards I did see a woman, a very fat woman, wearing a top of some sort with the words Come As You Are written across her chest. On entering the flat Piti started howling at the moon and the effing bleeder's wife next door put her tele on full blast. I realise I haven't mentioned the bleeder and his esposa much if at all and daren't as it opens up a catalogue of mind boggling events that nobody would believe. This is the chap who flew down the stairs head first in the Da Vinci bar, spent five months in intensive care and once out went straight back to said tavern. A true Aragonese. Would do it all again.

Meanwhile, I realise we will be off this Friday to the motherland. This invokes joy and a certain fear of green and clouds that soon passes. In Nigeria they have a word for foreigners or white folk when they arrive. Oyibo. Oyibo has landed. Like an alien. I feel like this whenever I go back to Britain. You see me wandering around supermarkets staring at all the products in awe. I also do really annoying things like refer to DVDS as videos. Much to the chagrin of younger folk. It's like calling the radio the wireless which I still do.

On an even more trivial note and revealing more about our relationship I've just remembered I also know the word broekhoest in Dutch which means a 'trouser cough' or fart to English speakers. Whilst idling away the hours I have also come up with two more programmes, Just a Clue and I'm Sorry I Haven't got a Minute. If I haven't mentioned it before I would also like to see a programme called Who Wants to be a Multi-Millionaire? Or in the case of Madoff, Who Wants to be a Multi-Billionaire? The first will involve some sort of taster and the second will take place in Spanish streets to see how many people will stop and waste their wonderful time. The last will surely be held at gunpoint.

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