Saturday, 16 November 2019

In next week's episode of I'm the Prime Minister Get Me Out of Here, Boris 'the cock' Johnson is  spotted speeding through the universe after being ejected by a super massive black hole. He gets his arse kicked so hard by said black hole that he eventually leaves the Milky Way and is en voyage to intergalactic space. This region of spacetime is so strong that no amount of bullshit can escape it and yet we are also told they are not eternal prisons and a human can survive them leading to the theory that sadly there is no end to any of this nonsense. None of it is real. You just have to decide if you want to be part of the collective dream or nightmare. Yours, everybody's favourite idiot savant.

Thursday, 14 November 2019

I tell you what, this Brexit lark will carry on till the mad cows come home....
Boris Johnson calling other people 'crusties' is a bit feckin' rich coming from someone who only knows it is time to change his underpants when he lobs them at the wall to see if they stick.

Sunday, 27 October 2019

That old joke about having a dart board with someone's face on it at home. You go round someone else's house and sure enough they have got your face on a fucking dartboard. With hundreds of holes in it. The English version of voodoo.
I was in a shop and the sign outside fell over. The shop keeper stopped serving the boy in front of me and went outside to pick the sign up. Frutas y verduras, fruits and vegetables. The boy kept buying sweets, asking the owner what could he buy for eighty, forty centimes, until he had used up all his money. He went outside the shop to be with his friends and the owner said to me 'son malos', 'they are no good, bad boys'. I didn't know if it was true or if he was just saying it because they were gypsies. I dared not speak in case the owner detected an accent and told the next person that came in the shop something negative about me. I imagined that after me a succession of undesirables would come in spend their money and wind him up for the rest of the day. 
Feel free to comment......

Friday, 25 October 2019

When I was younger, oh so much younger than today, I used to lie about my age to get into nightclubs. I had to plaster my face with make up, put on a deep voice and swear I was twenty five when I was just a nipper of fourteen, or was it sixteen? Anyway, this lying about being older continued for years and people started saying how great I looked for a 50 year old nightclubber when I was 40 and so on. The only downside to this is the continuous adverts on my Facebook feed for stair lifts, funeral plans and hideous shoes!